my friend over dinner so rightly put it, some boys so skilfully cling on in the most charming of ways that even when you continuously chuck them aside, they manage to hold on long enough for you to realise just how adorable they are (or have become).

He describes me to his friends as weird because he can’t see how I would like him. I guess it’s because he doesn’t see my odd and strange behaviour as anything else but charming and delightful and never makes me apologetic for the such. But more than just making me feel accepted, he’s so easy going that he perfectly compliments my uptight nature, making us get along so well. He’s always so polite even when nobody else is to him and always tries to do the proper thing regardless of how he comes across. He’s the first to offer his help and knows instinctively when to step back and lay low. He never feels like his masculinity is threatened nor does he feel the need to threaten others. He never played games with me, he knows what he wants and is decisive about it. And he is Oh-so-funny.

There have been a few hiccups, which made the past week a nightmare. To be honest, it isn’t fully resolved, but he promised whatever happens, he’ll be okay with it.

On some levels, I don’t believe he fully gets me. But that’s to be expected and really isn’t a big deal. There’s just one issue which I don’t know whether we will ever get over, he knows it and I know it. Sometimes, I just stare at him and tell him how afraid I am of the future and of the outcome of our relationship. He becomes sad at that point too and we just quietly allow our minds to race with the most painful scenarios playing out vividly. We try to snap back to the present and enjoy the moments we have together. I try my best to remain as unemotional as I can, yet the wall I’ve so deliberately put up, has been unknownst to me hacked away quite quickly. I’ve been unconsciously falling for him.

So yes, I tried so desperately to chuck him aside, but this boy has held on so tightly to be, that without his stubby fingers wrapped around the nape of my neck and his kid-in-a-candy-store smile, I’d be so miserable and quite lost.

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