to the girl who replaced me

Following yesterday’s post, I thought it would be only appropriate to write one to her.

To the girl who replaced me,

You probably would have heard stories about me. From what I heard which isn’t much, you sound fine. You seem appropriately sensible, completely sweet and wonderfully kosher. My friend described you as the goddess that many have tried to claim but my lucky ex-boyfriend was the one to win your heart. You really must be great. And compared to me, the girl who does what she wants, acts on her impulses and is far too crude to be brought to anybody’s parent’s dinner, you seem like a shining star.

I really have no idea whether you heard the worst things about me. How I made our boy cry or how I used to stress him out so much, he’d get pimples or how needy I was (still am). I have no clue. But to you, I say this, even though we both love him, I promise you, he is yours for the keeping. As different as you are from me, I trust we both want the best for him. And though this is so difficult for me to say, if you are the best for him, keep him, take care of him and love him. I am not the best for him.

There will be times when he will push you away and wish you were gone. He might not be able to verbalise why he needs you to go, but he does. He needs his own space. He needs to breathe, process his thoughts and allow the quiet hum of his surroundings fill him and calm him down. There will be other times when he puts others before you because he thinks that’s the right thing to do. Don’t take it personally. But judging from what I heard about you, you might not mind at all. He also sees the world in black and white. His values are colourblind. I struggled with this so much and have no real solution but can only assume you know this about him and love him for it. Lastly, as much as he tries to hide it, our boy is quirky and odd. It’s been such a long time since I’ve seen this side of him, I’m not sure how much of this he buried. He’s very afraid of showing anybody this side of him and tries hide to pretend it isn’t there. I hope that when he reveals this side of him to you, you accept it with open arms and love him for this. I hope you can encourage him to show that side of himself more because that’s what makes him so special. Yes, he is tall. Yes, he is incredibly good looking and articulate. He’s generous, kind and thoughtful. He can be intelligent when he wants to be and is capable of greatness when inspired. He’s creative and loves art. And when motivated can cook a mean dinner. He has such great qualities, but he’s special because he’s different. Don’t let him forget that.

It’s odd how different you are from me. Part of me believes that it was impossible to replace me and so he found someone else who he loves that fills him in ways I’ll never be able to. You aren’t a replacement but a new start and a new beginning. A part of me feels envious of this, but we all go our own ways. I moved on in my own way, paving my own path away from his as the both of yours collide. Hold on to this boy, hold on tight and love him the way I never will.

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