this weekend, i decided to download the tinder app. a friend and i fiddled with it over dinner and it seemed innocent enough – that is, if you don’t right swipe the douche-bag photos i.e. topless pics. so when we got home, i downloaded it and for a while i was pretty obsessed. i got more matches than i thought i would which is a confidence booster (i didn’t think i’d get any). i got to talking to a few of them, some were creeps and they were quickly unmatched. a handful were decent and one seemed to get along with me quite well. this one was great just chatting about things and we had deep discussions (as deep as you can get on tinder) and yes it was nice. he admitted he found me interesting and my expressions intriguing, which is nice to be recognised as ‘not blend’. finally, he asked whether i was looking for true love. that was a difficult question. firstly because at this point, i was convinced that tinder wasn’t right for me. not because of stranger danger, but because of what it represents in my life.
at church, one of our beloved ministers was leaving and she gave a phenomenal farewell sermon. it was about trusting God and not fearing. she encouraged us to get out of the boat and to go where Jesus is. In Peter’s case, he scrambled out of the boat into open and walked towards Jesus on the water. I’ve heard this story so many times, till today, it had little significance in my life. however instead of it washing over me as usual, i was reminded how incredible that was. to get out of a boat, to jump ONTO the water and walk towards Jesus.
so how does it all fit together?
One of the reason why I stayed on tinder even though I realised that it was a hook-up app (yes, i can be slightly naive), is the fear being alone. I fear it to a large extent and this fear can drive me in the wrong direction. Being on tinder itself isn’t wrong to me. I can’t even bear the thought of meeting up with any of them, let alone seriously entertain the possibility of hooking up with any of them. In the ‘about’ section, it reads,
‘Nothing in my hand I bring,
simply to the cross I cling;
naked, come to thee for dress;
helpless, look to thee for grace;
foul, I to the fountain fly;
wash me, Savior, or I die.’
there isn’t any false advertising going on.
but if the fear of being alone is directing my actions, that means, my love and utter reverence for my Lord is not. This also means, i am not trusting in my God to meet my needs as he wills, but acting on my own fears to meet the needs i deem important. i am reminded of the israelites in the dessert and how God gave them manna. everyday, the people gathered and it was sufficient. some tried to keep the bread for the days to come worried that God might not provide. the manna they kept were found to have maggots in them the next day. every single day, God provided food that was enough for their daily needs, they didn’t need to worry. with this, i know every single day, God provides for my needs. every single day. i don’t have to keep my metaphorical manna because my God who loves me will take care of tomorrow for me.
this leaves me with my decision that leaving tinder behind is for my own good. yet obviously, my sinful self indulges in the safety of getting matches and having guys chat to me making me feel not only completely surrounded by people but wanted by them. but obviously, this is so incredibly superficial it is almost impossible for it to amount to anything at all. i will miss my one and only person who for some reason finds me charming and pretty. that makes me happy. maybe i’ll take him with me and we can be friends outside of tinder. though, he said quite honestly, he was merely looking for a casual relationship. and friends of mine can testify to the fact that casual does not run in my vocabulary be it in fashion or relationships.