Miracles no different to the one I experienced most recently are only temporary. Soon after the glow of such a great event happening, I feel myself growing discontent again with life, hoping again for another miracle. Forgetting so quickly the huge bullet I just dodged and focusing solely on my have-nots.
This evening, I felt the familiar pang of emptiness that comes so often with being a single girl in a world where most of my friends are in relationships, or are engaged, married, or having babies. It’s hard to feel complete when it seems to be full you need a partner. The people that I have/had tiny crushes on all out of my reach and know not of my existence. I come home to a quiet house and wish to the silence for this not to be a permanent arrangement.
Yet in the stillness of my home and the quiet humming of my oven, I remember Jesus only Jesus. In the past week, I was reminded of the crucification of my Jesus, how he was taken away, how he was beaten and tortured and nailed on the cross for all to see and mock. I was reminded of how he then rose from the dead and conquered what I alone cannot by paying the full and ultimate price for my sinfulness.
I remember hearing a sermon about miracles being temporary, how for example Lazarus though was raised up from his grave, would one day have to face another death, these miracles are not all I have to look forward to. They instead bring me closer to the day where there will be no need for miracles, a day where I will be with my Jesus.
My heart aches to be married, to come home to a house filled with happy noise and to the one who loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, the one who would sacrifice for me and love me like how Christ loves the church. My heart yearns for the day I, dressed in white, commit myself to the one who loves me, holding myself accountable to the vows I make in front of my family and friends. Yet, God did not promise this to me and therefore I cannot expect that this will happen in my life, no matter how many times my friends go, ‘you’ll find someone, i’m sure‘. Maybe not now or in this life time will this happen, but one day I will see Jesus. And I will come home to a house filled with glorious singing of praises and to The One Who Loves Me, to the one who did sacrifice for me by his death on the cross not just for me but for the church.