Behind all the tears and all that pain, I am reminded that I am truly utterly dependent on God. My life is but a mere vapour without God and I cannot function without God.
Today, I realised something truly awful happened. And honestly, the only way out is if God wills it. I spent the whole day talking to friends and nobody really knew what to say besides, I’m sorry this happened and am hoping for the best. One was optimistic enough and said, worst case scenarios never usually play out. But other than that, my friends sat with me, hugged me, put their arms around me and one even took me out for a movie to take my mind off it. Nobody could tell me what my future held and nobody could tell me it would be okay. And as much as I appreciated everybody’s kindness, I felt completely alone and like I had to walk this by myself. Over the phone, with my whaling in the background, a friend said this, ‘whatever it is, I know you don’t do this by yourself’. It seems like I’m so isolated dealing with everything on my own and not having anybody who truly understands this that I’m going through. Yet I know my comforter and my counsellor is with me. And even as I sit here with hot tears flowing down, I know that I am not alone and that my God is with me every step of the way.
She reminded me that my identity isn’t found in this and that even if it doesn’t work out my future is secure in Jesus. She also made me see that this shows me how utterly dependent I am on God. I have to wait on a God whose promises are secure.