failure

So, sometimes I fail. Actually, to quote my loving father, it feels like it happens a bit too often. I guess being in vet school means that you are amongst the top students and failing seems so foreign. Unfortunately, I don’t believe that I am part of the group of incredibly bright students but got in it through pushing, shoving, begging, scraping, crawling (figuratively of course) my way. And so, I’m the constant outlier. The score that pulls the average down. The mark that shifts the curve out. Some days, I feel so proud to be able to be part of this group and to briefly forget that I’m the outlier. Other days, I feel like I stand out like a sore thumb. But through this, I realise that maybe that’s what God wants. Maybe, this is the only way to keep me humble, keeping me reliant on God’s grace and not on my own merit. Everyday, I must remember I hang only by his mercy and not by my own deeds. Maybe, this is to teach me compassion and not to point my nose in the air.

Sometimes, I get so incredibly caught up with exams and everything that I forget that I was redeemed before I became a vet student. And after I’m done with vet school (either by getting kicked out because I fail too much or by finishing the course), I am still redeemed. Therefore, my identity will thus lie not in the fleeting moments of vet school that will one day fade away, but in the assurance that Jesus died for me.

I feel completely awful that I failed a stupid unit that nobody really fails. And on many levels I am comforting myself with the knowledge that this failure doesn’t define me. Though obviously there are those who will (and probably already do) look at me and see someone who should not be in vet school. But above all, I would love for this to be a reminder to me learn not just how to study better but also how to be a better christian. To always be humble.

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