I can honestly say that even though I am a great planner of the future and love to have a picture of the next five years sorted in my head, the truth is, I trust God more than I trust my own plans. Two years back, I remember talking to my friends about my plans, I was so sure of my plans it was almost arrogant. I felt like I saw God’s plans for me and was secure in the knowledge of that. I assumed that the doors God had opened for me meant that I was to go a certain path and somewhat placed my trust in that instead of letting God just lead me. My faith wasn’t really in God but in the fact that I thought I knew what God had in store for me and therefore trusted him. Needless to say, within a few months my life truly took a crazy crazy turn. Instead of getting engaged as we planned, my then boyfriend and I broke up. No ring, no boyfriend, almost no vet school (because I was too busy crying instead of studying). Now, I can quite honestly say that God was so gracious during that whole period. Not only because he sent me so many people to pick me up and guide me through what seemed like the worst time of my life (though I’m quite sure at the tender age of 23, ‘worst-time-of-my-life’ probably doesn’t hold much weight). But God was gracious to me by breaking us up too. In many ways, I do believe that God saved me from my own pride and idols in my life. I know I put my relationship above God at times. I’m so humbled by how silly I was to think I could figure out God’s plans for me and better yet think I must what’s best for my life.
I could, as I usually am, be wrong. God might not have been thinking about things in this way and he might now be thinking about how completely out of my mind I am. If that’s true, I’m sorry God.
All the same, this entire ordeal has taught me to trust God more than I trust myself. It’s taught me not to take God for granted but to trust him even when I think I can see the way so clearly. I might not pass vet school. I might not get married. I can die any moment. Or better yet Jesus can come back right now. or now. or now. I really am not certain what God has in store for me. And many times I’m quite scared. But he’s been so faithful. He’s saved me from my own sinfulness. He’s redeemed me and made me pure, what more do I need, really?
I get quite anxious at times and want nothing more to be able to see my life out in a game of chess and move the pieces around to alter the situations in my life as I like. But let’s be honest, I’ve never won a game of chess before. Wouldn’t the wise option be to let the creator of the game guide my moves instead?